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stuff movies taught me

#1 User is offline   Sticky 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:19 PM

this is a list of stuff that I have learned only from watching movies.

Computing
  • computers make all kinds of interesting and annoying noises whenever they are asked to function. typing - beepy noise. program working - funny, occasionally eery, noises. there are different noises for each different action.
  • computers all have the same female voice.
  • it is possible to kill everything on a computer by shooting the case, once.
  • images, no matter the resolution, can always be zoomed in upon and viewed with absolute, perfect clarity. also, the program which does this will make futuristic noises while it zooms in.
  • computers turn on and work instantly, every time.
Guns
  • One man with a pistol is almost always more effective than huge armies of men with automatic rifles...
  • ...most bad men are ridiculously bad at using rifles of any kind. they almost always hit shoulders, arms, or legs, and never hit arteries...
  • ...you can be shot in the arm, shoulder, or leg and not feel a thing until the wound is dressed...
  • ... arm, shoulder, or leg wounds will always be dressed by a beautiful lady, who in almost all cases will have no medical knowledge.
  • anyone can pick up a gun and be able to shoot roughly 98% accurately within a few seconds. this is true for any kind of gun.
cars
  • it matters not what kind of car a good guy is driving, or how fast it is in comparison to the bad guy's - if there is a bad guy behind trying to catch said good guy, bad guy will always, without fail, catch up and proceed to bump them from behind.
  • cars will only fail to start first time when a bad guy (or danger) is looming, or any other time in which a fast getaway is required. at all other times they will start perfectly, no matter the conditions.
  • everyone in the world who drives is a better driver than any highly-trained policeman in the world, and rarely crash.
  • highly trained policemen, however will crash - usually into each other - at every available opportunity, allowing the getaway driver to, well, getaway with sufficient ease.
sport - cliche hell
  • no matter how terrible a team is in their chosen sport, they will always win the last game of the season - and some kind of trophy - due to an almost-retired coach and 'team-spirit' and desire alone. skill and ability are unnecessary to achieve this.
  • every team in the world - in every sport - contains at least one member of almost every conceivable social standing.
  • every final league or cup game is won in the dying seconds by the underdog.
  • similarly, if the sport is boxing, or martial arts, the fight will go against the underdog for round after round, until said underdog will win with a knock-out blow.
misc.
  • it is always possible to see and hear everything perfectly in nightclubs.
  • coffee will sober any drunk person up almost instantly.
  • americans only ever drink ACTUAL coffee. they will apologise profusely if they have to use instant coffee.
I'm too tired to finish this, and typing one-handed makes it harder. I'll add more tomorrow or the next day, whenever I'm back after my op. meanwhile, add away!

This post has been edited by Sticky: 21 September 2004 - 09:21 PM


#2 User is offline   JackDaniels 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:24 PM

all computers run using no microsoft products whatsoever

all sqeaky doors sound the same (dunno what heading that would come under)



#3 User is offline   Rahr 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:28 PM

being a spy gets you laid all the time.

the majority of guns in existance can fire constantly for around 5 minutes without needing a new clip of ammo. pistols more so than anything else.

hairpins/paperclips etc can be used to disarm a nuclear bomb.

making a car leap down the hills of san fransico doesn't actually completely screw the chassis up, it may look like it upon impact, but it is in fact perfectly fine the next time you see it.

complete strangers can at any time burst into song/dance with each other, almost as if it was a broadway act.

about 30% of hackers in the world are seth green lookalikes.

This post has been edited by Rahr: 21 September 2004 - 09:33 PM


#4 User is offline   JackDaniels 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:30 PM

motorbikes of any type cant outrun bog standard cars...ever

#5 User is offline   Jexa 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:31 PM

computers:

you never have to use the space bar (watch! its true! :<)

#6 User is offline   Visker 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:33 PM

QUOTE (Jexa @ Sep 21 2004, 22:31)
computers:

you never have to use the space bar (watch! its true! :<)

Enhance...*click click click*

Enhance...*click click click*

Enhance...*click click click*

#7 User is offline   Zizy 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:43 PM

When you are involved in a long winded hunt/chase, you never need the bathroom.

People put the TV on only to have something to talk over.

When the radio is turned on it never starts on adverts, always music...unless you want to hear the news, then it's always the news.

People don't know where light switches are in their own house and have to slide their hand all over a wall to find it.

No one ever reads a book for more than twelve seconds before being interrupted.

#8 User is offline   JackDaniels 

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 09:54 PM

some vehicles (specially the dirt bike in terminator) have hundreds and hundreds of gears

#9 User is offline   Svenie0 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 01:08 AM

Made me smile smile.gif laugh.gif

#10 User is offline   biggy 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 01:24 AM

tongue.gif sticky and jack

#11 User is offline   noodle 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 02:08 AM

Smoking:

smoke is never inhaled

and the fag is needed to be thrown away 30sec's after lighting.



#12 User is offline   Miyabi 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 02:45 AM

Computers:

- Laptop batteries last forever.
- Every "hi tech" computer is inexplicable linked with "the net".
- Hackers can break through any security system with ease, just so long as they type faster and drink <cliche computer-geek beverage> more anxiously. Often ending with a dramatic "I did it".
- Everyone can touch type perfectly.
- Acronyms define every part computer world.

Clothing:

- All clothes fit perfectly, nobody complains about getting a wedgie from their no doubt hardcore action pants.
- Characters can change clothes between scenes with no real feasible explanation.

#13 User is offline   noodle 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 02:50 AM

mornings:

when ppl sleep togeather, when they wake up they never brush there teeth and take a piss.

#14 User is offline   Writer 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 03:33 AM

QUOTE (Zizy @ Sep 21 2004, 22:42)

People put the TV on only to have something to talk over.

When the radio is turned on it never starts on adverts, always music...unless you want to hear the news, then it's always the news.

Tied in with those 2.

When the news goes on, its always the story they want to hear or have been a part of.


#15 User is offline   AceClown 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:31 AM

Computers

The entire file structure of any bad guys server can be downloaded to a single floppy.

This can be done by phreaking a payphone with roughly the same speed as a 8 meg line.

No one ever uses CD-r's its always floppies or minidisk type things.

see above. every computer the protagonist uses will have a minidsk thing drive.

Obvious one.

Any car, when droped from any hight will blow up as though it was carring a thousand gallons of AVGas

No one can EVER get from A to B in a helicopter, helicopters always crash.

This post has been edited by AceClown: 22 September 2004 - 07:40 AM


#16 User is offline   Zizy 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:45 AM

Whenever a woman needs a change of clothes, the guy lends her some of his - and they fit perfectly even though he's about ten sizes bigger and doesn't have breasts.

Foreign guys always speak English - even when they are alone. Unless they want to say something in front of the good guy who will astound them with his knowledge of their language.

All women wake up with a face full of perfect makeup - even if they've been rolling in rain the night before.

This post has been edited by Zizy: 22 September 2004 - 07:52 AM


#17 User is offline   BillMillion 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:57 AM

A police detective will only ever crack a case ofter he has been discharged from it for using renegade methods.

Police Detectives are always assigned a partner who is the exact opposite of their own character.

#18 User is offline   AceClown 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:58 AM

In teen films the "Geeky one" always turns out to be an absolute stunner after a makeover.

The makeover usualy consists of removing her glasses, undoing the top 2 buttons of her geeky cardie, hitching her skirt up a bit and letting her hair down.

This post has been edited by AceClown: 22 September 2004 - 08:03 AM


#19 User is offline   Zizy 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 08:02 AM

It is possible to knock someone out instantly by hitting them over the head with pretty much anything, shoes, trays, staplers...

You will find your one true love after all your friends have been killed. Then he'll die too.

#20 User is offline   AceClown 

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 08:07 AM

You will always end up marrying the person you ask to help you with your wedding due to your girlfriend/boyfriend being too busy

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