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Rumour Has It...

#1 User is offline   Last-Dancer 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 05:24 PM

that a certain mr liverpool midfielder got his wifes sister pregnant just before the world cup. There was a court injunction for a few weeks blocking any of this information being released to the media due to the start of the WC campaign.

apparently mr england manager knew about it and a certain Chelsea defender also knew about it.... mr chelsea defender was not happy at all that for similar indiscretions he lost his captaincy whilst this liverpool player continued to lead the nations hopes.

arguably this was a major source of the infighting and the poor performance by the england team.

could also explain why mr chelsea defender dislikes mr liverpool midfielder...


rumour also has it that this will come out in the press in the next couple of weeks sealing the fate of mr liverpool midfielders move abroad.


then again it could also be a load of bollocks.

we shall see.

This post has been edited by Last-Dancer: 30 June 2010 - 05:26 PM


#2 User is offline   Cheezey 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 05:55 PM

Wasn't this the story about Gerrard getting some 16 year old pregnant and his wife shagging some Derby County player? As the only Derby County player that came to mind was Robbie Savage I had to laugh.

#3 User is offline   Sticky 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 08:35 PM

The way i've heard it was that a judge has given another two week gagging order on this story, to give the fa time to deal with fabio.

jt and steve g apparently hate each other anyway and this just added fuel, and disharmony in the camp was jt and half the squad being against the skipper, the other half siding with him. In the now infamous jt world cup press conference, the former captain threatened to reveal all and had a blazing row about the captaincy with the manager.

the story will be in the papers in fourteen days. If the rumours are true, of course. I believe them.

edit: i know half of them live in cheshire but Ffs do they think it's hollyoaks?

This post has been edited by Sticky: 30 June 2010 - 08:37 PM


#4 User is offline   OneJoelFifty 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 10:43 PM

I'm sure it was dark or something and he thought it was his wife.

#5 User is offline   Visker 

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Posted 01 July 2010 - 02:58 AM

Nice to see that John Terry isnt the only one who doesnt know what box he's in.







ZING!

#6 User is offline   Krade 

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Posted 01 July 2010 - 10:09 AM

Apprently Rooney was caught grabbing a granny ho again aswell.

#7 User is offline   *h0dGe* 

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Posted 01 July 2010 - 11:05 AM

England are shit.

Im now Fijian.

#8 User is offline   brutal 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 04:09 AM

alsorts of stuff flying about...

"Courts held a further 2 week gagging order on Steve Gerrard’s private life, turns out he got his wife’s sister pregnant (not a 16 year old) This will hit the newspapers in 14 days, the judge held the gagging order to protect the FA while they decide on Capello, and the future of English football… John terry and the England team all know about it and JT had a argument with Capello because Gerrard got to keep the captains armband. The tension in the camp was down to JT and half the team saying Gerrard was a disgrace and the other half of the squad backing Gerrard. The press conference was related to the tension and JT wanted Gerrard exposed - they hate each other.."

#9 User is offline   Croc 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 07:10 AM

Brian Flynn reports in the news section of The Sun "Sex slurs claiming England's World Cup hopes were undermined by a player's fling with a teenage girl are a sick HOAX, The Sun can reveal.Thousands of fans have received texts and emails saying captain Steven Gerrard had got wife Alex Curran's 16-year-old sister pregnant. But the lies are blown apart by one crucial fact - model Alex, 27, does not even HAVE a sister. The malicious scam blames England's poor showing on the team being torn apart by fall-out from the "affair". John Terry and other players were said to be furious "cheat" Gerrard had kept the captain's armband, while Terry lost it when he was revealed as a love rat this year. Messages detailing the lies spread like wildfire since England's exit from the tournament on Sunday.

"Oliver Holt adds "The idea that a rift between John Terry and Steven Gerrard was at the heart of England's troubled World Cup campaign was ruled out yesterday by sources close to the squad. Claims swept the internet that the Chelsea and Liverpool skippers had fallen out in South Africa over issues surrounding their private lives. Terry did confront Gerrard at the squad's base at the Royal Marang Hotel but it was only to clear the air over suggestions Gerrard had been angered by remarks Terry made about team morale at a controversial press conference. Gerrard was also supposed to have told friends he thought Terry was trying to undermine him as captain so he could reestablish his own leadership role."



According to some links from here:
http://www.newsnow.c...eague/Liverpool

#10 User is offline   OneJoelFifty 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 07:32 AM

Terry is a dick, I thought it was a blatant attempt to act as captain by saying what he said in the press conference.

#11 User is offline   Croc 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 08:21 AM

I find it amusing everybody is still taken in by scams (specifically the sister rumours). The fact she doesn't even have a sister is brilliant.


http://www.thedailym...=2870&Itemid=26 :roo

Not as good as the last article which included Paisley and a machete.

#12 User is offline   Sticky 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 08:46 AM

View PostOneJoelFifty, on 02 July 2010 - 07:32 AM, said:

Terry is a dick, I thought it was a blatant attempt to act as captain by saying what he said in the press conference.

and getting everyone in a huddle after the slovenia game. He's just a rich chav.

i still want to believe the gerrard story, cos he's a dick too. I don't even care that his wife hasn't got a sister, i'm still 100% certain that all the text messages i got FROM INDEPENDENT SOURCES WHO DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER are telling the truth. Definitely.

apparently gerrard paid the sun off, and disposed of the sister and all record of her even existing. Prick.

edit: that dailymash site is bloody hilarious, i haven't stopped laughing since i saw that, thanks croc. (y)

This post has been edited by Sticky: 02 July 2010 - 09:27 AM


#13 User is offline   BillMillion 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 09:11 AM

Hmm, no sister eh?! In that case it's now Sammy Lee's daughter, or Phil Thompsons housemaid. Fucking scumbag!!!

#14 User is offline   Axey 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 10:53 AM

who cares tbh.

#15 User is offline   Zara 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 02:02 PM

What the fuck are you Liverpol fans on about? The reason she has no sister is that he killed her to stop the gossip. You've gotta be smart and think about these things.

#16 User is offline   Sticky 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 02:08 PM

View PostZara, on 02 July 2010 - 02:02 PM, said:

Liverpol fans

be smart and think

haha. As if!

#17 User is offline   brutal 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 04:29 PM

"Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn't into arses. Not today.

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

"Akabusi!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your cock out".

Akabusi slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

As ever Akabusi's cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.

Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny."

#18 User is offline   Last-Dancer 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 06:17 PM

lol the daily mash is awesome

#19 User is offline   brutal 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 07:35 PM

Kris Akabusi's erotic short stories :)

Quote

Mr Akabusi, please come in" said the secretary as she adjusted her horn rimmed glasses and felt the sudden rush of blood to her clunge.

Akabusi strode into the room like a Titan with a clown face. His eyes were drawn to the secretary's tight black pencil skirt and loose white blouse, through which he could see a straining white bra and within that a pair of massive bristols.

"I've come to fix your pipes" announced Kriss with his deep barotone timbre filling the room like spunk filling a vagina after after a ten year prison sentence.

The secretary quickly sat on the desk and unhooked her tight Croydon facelift hairdo unleashing waves and waves of lush brown hair.

Akubusi dropped his dungerees and let his throbbing member fall to the ground. As he spied the secretary's glistening axe wound his cock stood to attention quicker than a Chelsea Pensioner at the Cenotaph.

He then banged her. And banged her. And banged her. Until the secretary was like a floppy doll covered with spunk.

As Akubusi wiped his now flacid python on some company stationery he whispered "Awooga" to the naked secretary and patted her on the fanny.


Quote

Akabusi didn't like going to the dental hygenist as much as the next man but his smile was his bread and butters. So he lay back on the patent leather chair and felt his anus tighten like a pupil in flashlight.
The nurse came into the room and immediately Akabusi could smell pussy and it was strong. Within the confines of his dungerees he could feel the old chap twitch like a Michael J Fox without the pills. The nurse bent over Akabusi to check his molars and he caught a glimpse of her huge bristols.

He said "Ahhh". As the nurse left the room to get a lollipop and a sticker Akabusi wasted no time. He leapt up and slipped out of the dungerees, letting the air con in the room tingle his black and curlys. He thought briefly about having a w*nk before so he could last longer but it was too late.

The nurse walked into the room and spying the naked ebony Adonis before her became wetter than a paper towel in a Koh Sumai hotel on Boxing Day 2004. She let the white tunic slip to the ground and unleash an epic pair of tits and a pussy with less hair than Lex Luthor.

Akabusi mounted her like Dettori and rode her in the dentists chair until he came all over her like an airport fire hose. Because his mouth was so numb from the anesthetic he went down on her soaky wet clunge piece for about an hour before he came. And her as well. Obviously.


As he pulled on his dungerees he wiped his now fallen hero on the lollipop the nurse had given him, bent down over her spattered porcelain body and whispered "Awooga" in her ear before patting her on the fanny.



Quote

Akabusi sat back at his desk in his £127,000 mansion outside Luton as he sent off another lottery scam email to an unsuspecting victim. He had been keeping a low profile since the Tanni Gray Thompson Testimonial - there had been problems with access and Tanni had been left in the car park.
He'd spent most of his day walking around his study naked, the newly installed central heating allowing him free and easy nudity. After watching Working Lunch Akabusi positioned a full length mirror so he could have a w*nk as he flexed his biceps which were so black and shiny you wouldn't be embarrassed to upholster a Porsche 911 with.

He had to drive to Letchworth later to open a new JJB Sports with Roger Black so he turned off the computer and popped his dungerees on and headed to the kitchen to toast a blueberry Poptart.

Before he got to the bottom of his walnut finish stairs there was a loud knock at the door.

As he opened the door Akabusi knew he was going to f**k something this rainy afternoon. There before him we two young women both in smart pencil line skirts and green blousons that he knew concealed at least four epic bristols.

"We're Scientologists!" chimed the duo with accents sweeter than Midnight Hot on FTV when the missus is out. "Would you like to take a stress test?"

Before he knew it Akabusi was serving blueberry Poptarts to the girls in his second living room. Akabusi could feel a spasm in his veiny colossus every time the girls said Dianetics and before long he "accidently" let his denim dungerees drop to the shagpile revealing his toned form that was as black and scary as a balcalva in Derry.

The girls didn't flinch and attached the cold metal of the E - Meter to his now throbbing ebony hose. "Do you like Tanni Gray Thompson?" was the first of many questions asked by the two blondes. Throughout the dials made no movement.

"Would you like to f**k us both on your pleatherette settee?" asked one of the girls. Immediately the E-Meter exploded and Akabusi's cock became so hard he knew he could drill to Calais if they needed him.

He pulled the girls blousons apart with his newly cleaned teeth as they slipped out of their tight skirts exposing four pert and peachy tits and two clunges with so little hair he thought he was looking at Right Said Fred as kids.

He barged into the two of them like a stock car and before long he was plunging his Super Tennants can of a cock into one girl's arsehole as he used his famous tongue on another's clunge that was wetter than a 21st on the Marchioness.

Within hours it was all over, the Scientologists strewn across the plastic sheeting Akabusi had put down moments before copulating. In his head he was humming Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings as he had never seen such twisted naked flesh, cum and blood since Hazel Irvine cam over. His battered cock weeped the last remnants of his powerful seed as he wound it up and slipped into his dungerees.

"Would you like to meet Tom Cruise, Mr Abukusbi?" said one of the girls as she coughed up a short and curly hairball.

"f**k off, I know Fatima Whitbread!" roared Akabusi with a laugh that filled the spacious two bedroom semi like Fern Britton in a thong. He bent down, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear, patted the other on the fanny.


And walked out of the house, slamming the door. Then remembering it was his house. And he was wearing his indoor dungerees. He had no car keys. And he was late for the JJB Sports opening in Letchworth.



#20 User is offline   Sticky 

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Posted 02 July 2010 - 08:02 PM

Brilliant seb, brilliant. I know what I'll be whispering to the wife next time. Not sure I'll get away with patting the fanny, but it's worth a go!

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